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Overnight visits with out-of-town friends or relatives can generate long lasting memories. What kind of memories do you want? Cheery, fun, warm memories, of course! That’s possible to do with any overnight visit if you understand your responsibilities as a guest and the ways that you contribute to the overall experience. It’s not hard to have successful visits but it’s also not guaranteed. However, any visit can be relaxing rather than stressful, enjoyed rather than endured. In other words, “successful” means you don’t “need a vacation from your vacation”.
Visits typically turn disastrous when expectations are not met and communication is less than honest. First, be honest with yourself about your reasons for visiting. You may be visiting friends or relatives because you sincerely desire to spend some time with them to nurture your relationship. In this case, spending quality time together is the focus of your stay. How do you define quality time? Your definition might include being wined and dined and entertained nightly. What does your host(ess) call “quality time”? If your host(ess) expects to spend quality time with you by sharing their love for gardening, you will both be disappointed.
Perhaps your friends/relatives happen to live in a city you want to visit and sightsee. In this case, you are motivated by the need for a warm free place to stay. Let your host(ess) know that you’d like to stay with them but that you intend to do a lot of sightseeing and maybe nightclubbing. That will set their expectations appropriately. If they are not aware of your intentions and believe that you are visiting to spend time with them, they may regard your behavior as disrespectful, rude and downright unfriendly. If they know exactly what you’re up to, there won’t be any such miscommunication. Your host(ess) will know how to approach your visit and will probably offer helpful suggestions on the city’s best spots. Avoid disasters by negotiating these expectations with your host before you pack your bags.
Probably the most important thing to realize is that in any circumstance, your host(ess) is not responsible for keeping you amused and entertained. If you desire to venture out for some nightlife or take in different sights – it’s up to you and not your host to make sure you do those things. You are responsible for the quality of your time spent. Ask for what you want. Ask your host(ess) if you can take them out for a nice dinner if that’s what you want to do. Waiting for them to make that suggestion or take you out is unreasonable and unfair.
Find out what your host is planning to do during your visit. Are they working? Will you be left on your own during the daytime? That could be a great opportunity to do quiet things like walking or writing in a journal. Or maybe you’d like to use that time get out and do some sightseeing. Rent a car or take the mass transit system, if available, and head out for some daytime adventure. Ask your host if they have a local paper or a free weekly entertainment guide (most cities have them). Find some events or places that interest you. But before heading out, always ask your host(ess) if they might want to go with you. Save those activities of mutual interest for a time when everyone is available.
Being a houseguest has certain responsibilities. Respect for your host’s time and lifestyle, plus communication about your expectations will go a long way towards ensuring a tension-free and friendly visit. Wonderful memories from any visit can be had, but they’re yours to make. Bon Voyage!
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